How True na...

Funny Facts of life..

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.

घरवाली..बाहर वाली

घरवाली ऐसी हो की

साड़ी से जो खुश हो जावे,पति सेवा बस ध्यान में लावे.
जींस टॉप से दूर रहे जो,पूज्य हैं आप ये कहे जो.
जितने चाहूँ उतने बच्चे जन दे,हर पल अपना तन मन दे.
सास ससुर को खीर खिलावे,मम्मी के वो पावं दबावे.
फ़ोन से मेरे दूर रहे, पैसों से मजबूर रहे.
भजन कीर्तन का शौक हो, चारदीवारी बस उसकी रौनक हो.
परपुरुष जिसको पाप लगे, उमदराज लोग बाप लगे.
चाय से लेकर भोजन तक सबका उसको ध्यान रहे.
शारीरिक भूख से सात्विक भूख तक सबका उसको सम्मान रहे.
फिगर से लैला ना भी लगे पर मन से वो सावित्री हो.
मजाक की बातें भाये जिसको थोड़ी सी कवियत्री हो.
मेरे लक्ष्य में जिसकी नैया पार लगे.
उसकी आँखों में धुन हो मेरी,बस मेरा वो प्यार लगे.
जिसके वंश में संस्कृति मन में संस्कार हो.
मेरे चरणों की दासी हो बस मेरा अधिकार हो.

बाहर वाली ऐसी हो की

जींस टॉप को खास कहे वो या उससे भी कपडे कम हों.
रिश्ते की ना बात करे वो, इमोशनल लफड़े कम हों.
फास्ट फ़ूड में मस्त रहे,मेरी बाँहों में पस्त रहे.
दारू सुट्टा जिसको भाये,जब भी बुलावूँ तब आ जाये.
अमीर बाप की बेटी हो,सब मेरे बिल देती हो.
सारी किस्म की फिल्में देखे,मेरे तन को खूब निरेखे.
फिगर हो जिसकी अच्छी खासी,बॉडी को बस दे शाबासी.
बिना शादी के साथ रहे,जो जी चाहे दिल खोल कहे.
फ्यूचर की जिसको चिंता न हो,मेरे नाकामी पे शर्मिंदा न हो.
हर बातो को कुल कहे,गधे को ब्यूटीफुल कहे.
दिन रात मस्ती दे ऐसी, गांजे की ऐसी की तैसी.हा हा हा हा हा हा हा

What do you call a handcuffed man?

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
 A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

 

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
 A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

 

Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
 A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

 

Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
 A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

 

Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
 A. Make him wear shoes.

 

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
 A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

 

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
 A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

 

Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
 A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

 

Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
 A. Any place without a drive-up window.

 

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
 A. Trustworthy.

 

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
 A. His body.

 

Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
 A. A power failure.

 

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
 A. A woman to show him how to work it.

 

Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
 A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.

 

Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
 A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

 

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
 A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

 

Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
 A. Sex.

 

Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
 A. Telling you his real name.

 

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
 A. Put the remote control between his toes.

 

Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
 A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

 

Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
 A. "My wife says..."

 

Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
 A. Because they're all pigs.

 

Q. Why do men like smart women?
 A. Opposites attract.

 

Q. Why do men name their penises?
 A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

 

Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
 A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

 

Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
 A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

 

Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
 A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

 

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
 A. A widow.

 

Q. When do you care for a man's company?

 A. When he owns it.

 

Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
 A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.

WISE WORDS FROM BABA...

Whenever you have a fight with your wife

and she is not talking to you...

What you gonna do..???

Relax guys...

Here is the ultimate idea...


Just Tighten The Top Of Every Jar And Bottle In The KITCHEN..

It's a free service from BABA no consultation charges ...

DIFFICULT QUESTIONS AND INTELLIGENT ANSWERS!

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper) 

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it
take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four
apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? 
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with
one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES) 
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2) 
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented? 
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33 R ank )

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one
really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a
while and said,
"my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on the
correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the
DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND
difficult question!"

He was selected for IIM!

Milk

Cool Meanings

Cool Meanings

> Cool meanings Love humor?
>
> Cigarette:
> ***********
> A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end
> & a fool at the other.
 
> 
> Love affairs:
> ***********
> Something like cricket where one-day internationals are
> more popular than a five-day test.
> ***********
> 
> Marriage:
> ***********
> It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor
> degree and a woman gains her master
> 
> 
> Divorce:
> ***********
> Future tense of marriage
> ***********
> 
> Lecture:
> 
> An art of transferring information from the notes of the
> lecturer to the notes of the students without passing
> through the minds of either.
> ***********
> 
> Conference:
> 
> The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
> ***********
> 
> Compromise :
> 
> The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
> believes he got the biggest piece.
> ***********
> 
> Tears:
>***********  

> The hydraulic force by which
>  masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower..
> .
> ***********
> 
> Dictionary:
> 
> A place where divorce comes before marriage.
> ***********
> 
> Conference Room:
> 
> A place where everybody talks, nobody listens &
> everybody disagrees later on.
> ***********
> 
> Ecstasy:
> ***********
> A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you
> have never felt before.
>
> Classic:
> ***********
> A book which people praise, but do not read.
> ***********
> 
> Smile:
> 
> A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
> ***********
> 
> Office:
> 
> A place where you can relax after your strenuous home
> life.
> ***********
> 
> Yawn:
> 
> The only time some married men ever get to open their
> mouth.
> 
> Etc:
> ***********
> A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
> actually do.
> ***********
> 
> Committee:
> 
> Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
> decide that
>  nothing can be done together.
> ***********
> 
> Experience :
> ***********
> The name men give to their mistakes.
> ***********
> 
> Atom Bomb:
> ***********
> An invention to end all inventions.
>
> 
> Philosopher :
> ***********
> A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of
> when dead.
> ***********

Why Do Couples Fight?

WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT

 

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
*************************

 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started.
***************************

 

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started.
***************************

 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.
***************************

 

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.
***************************

 

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for 500 rs.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for 300 rs.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream..
And then the fight started..
***************************

 

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I've not been in a long time. So I took her to the kitchen. Then the fight started

UNIVERSAL LAWS

UNIVERSAL LAWS 

••• Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 

••• Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 

••• Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act 

••• Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 

••• Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 

••• Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 

••• Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 

••• Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 

••• Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 

••• Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 

••• Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 

••• The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 

••• Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 

••• Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 

••• Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 

••• Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 

••• Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet. 

••• Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 

••• Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

This should make the the better halves happy

WIFE VS. HUSBAND 

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word..
An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." 


W O R D S 

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" 

CREATION 

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!" 

WHO DOES WHAT 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee..."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS" 

The Silent Treatment 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. 


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

excuse me

Boy :.excuse me, kya aap mujhe apni dairy milk mein se chota sa bite de sakti hain?

Giri-kya mein aapko jaanti hu?

Boy-nahi

Girl- to phir…

Boy-par meri maa kehti hai koi bhi shubh kaam karne se pehle mooh meetha kar lena chahiye.

Girl gives him a piece of dairy milk to him…..

Girl-waise kya shubh kaam karne ja rahe ho?

Boy-main soch raha tha ki aapko ghar chor du..

Girl smiles and says:

“pehle to pakar 100rs aur apne baal katwa ke aa manhoos:x

bus stop pe khara hai ur mujhe ghar chorne ki baat kar raha  hai ..

pehle koi bike to lele Kangley mooche aayi nahi hain aur chal hai mujhe patane…..

ek piece kya de diya sir pe hi aake baith gaya begairat…

aisa kar tu mujhe apni maa se hi milwade .. unhe bataungi kitne shubh kaam karta hai aapka

beta….

wo hi achchi tara se mooh meetha karengi tera Kaminey…