What an idea Sir ji

एक बार रोहित ट्रेन से यात्रा कर रहा था.. जल्दी में टिकट नहीं ले पाया.. ट्रेन आ गई थी....उसे पता नही क्या सूझा कि उसने प्लेटफार्म पर पडा एक पुराना टिकट उठा लिया...टिकट को पानी में डुबोकर जेब में आराम से रख लिया...
.
ट्रेन चल पड़ी...
.
आधे घन्टे बाद टी टी के आने की हलचल सुनाई पड़ी तो उसने टिकट निकालकर हाथ में ले लिया...
.
.
फिर उसने क्या किया कि जेब से 2 पेन निकाल कर दोनों हाथों में एक एक पेन लेकर टिकट को पेन से पकडा (हाथो से दूर रखा)... .
.
टी टी आया...टिकट की डिमांड किया...सबने
अपना अपना टिकट दिखाया...
.
फिर रोहित से माँगा ..
रोहित ने वैसे ही पेन से पकडकर टी टी को दूर से ही टिकट दिखाने लगा
.
टी टी को बडा अजीब लगा...
टी टी गुस्से से: ये क्या बेहूदगी है, हाथ से
क्यों नही दिखाते ?
.
. .
रोहित : कैसे छुए इसे...पेशाब में गिर गया था...
टी टी: दूर रखो इसे...जाने कहाँ कहाँ से आ जाते हैं !!!

24 Hour Service

Needing some clothes cleaned in a hurry, a man searched the small 

Georgia town in which he was visiting until he found a sign which read:

"Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service."

After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for my suit tomorrow."

"Won't be ready till Saturday," replied the proprietor.

"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer protested.

"We do, son," the proprietor said reproachfully. 

"But we only work eight hours a day. Today's Thursday - eight hours today, 

eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday. That's 24-hour service."

Clever old woman

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding .....


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it ... 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see ... can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Senior Officer: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Senior Officer: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Senior Officer: Yes ... could you please open the trunk of your car.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Senior Officer: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Senior Officer: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Senior Officer: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

नयी-नयी शादी

एक लड़की की नयी-नयी शादी हुई पर कुछ दिनों बाद उसका अपने पति से झगडा हो जाता है,

अपने पति से दुखी हो कर वो अपनी माँ को फ़ोन करती है,

लड़की: "माँ, मेरा इनसे झगडा हो गया, मैं दो हफ्ते के लिए मिलने आ रही हूँ"

माँ भी बहुत शातिर दिमाग की थी बोली,

माँ: "बेटी उसे सुख नहीं सजा मिलनी चाहिए, तू वही रुक मैं दो महीने के लिए आ रही हूँ"

पांच जानवरों के नाम बताओ जो पानी में रहते है

मैडम ने पप्पू से पूछा: "पांच जानवरों के नाम बताओ जो पानी में रहते है?"

पप्पू : "मछली"

मैडम: "गुड और बाकी 4?"

पप्पू : "मछली की मां, पिता, बहन और भाई"

इंग्लिश में ट्रांसलेशन

क्लास में टीचर बच्चो से इंग्लिश में ट्रांसलेशन करवा रही थी.

टीचर पप्पू से: "मैं तेरी जान निकल दूँगी" इसे इंग्लिश में ट्रांसलेट करो?"

पप्पू: "इंग्लिश की ऐसी की तैसी, तू हाथ तो लगा के दिखा"

लड़की को पढ़ने से घर के चार लोग शिक्षित होते है,

गवर्नमेंट कहती है,

लड़की को पढ़ने से घर के चार लोग शिक्षित होते है,

कोई ये तो पूछे,

उसके कॉलेज जाने से जो 40 लड़के फ़ैल हो जाते है उनका क्या???

कोई अच्छा सा जोक

एक बार अपना रवि  ऑफिस में बेठा हुआ था, बॉस का एक एस-एम्-एस आया

"ओये कोई अच्छा सा जोक भेज"

 रवि रिप्लाई किया: "सर अभी मैं काम कर रहा हूँ, कुछ देर बाद भेजता हूँ"

बॉस का रिप्लाई आया

"अबे क्या मस्त जोक था, और भेज

पब्लिक टोइलेट

पब्लिक टोइलेट में बैठे आदमी को साथ वाले टोइलेट से एक आवाज़ आई,

आवाज़: "क्या हाल है यार?"

आदमी घबरा के बोला: "फाइन, ठीक हूँ"

फिर आवाज़ आई: "क्या कर रहे हो?"

आदमी: "तुम्हारी तरह बैठा हुआ हूँ"

दोबरा से आवाज़ आई: "मैं आ जाऊं अभी तुम्हारे पास?"

आदमी घबराते हुए बोला: "ओह ना ना मैं बहुत बिजी हूँ"

तब आवाज़ आई: "यार मैं तुमको बाद में कॉल करता हूँ, पता नहीं कौन कमीना दुसरे टोइलेट से मेरी हर बात का जवाब दे रहा है"

अल्लाह के नाम पर दे दे

एक भिखारी एक घर में भीख मांगने गया, अन्दर से एक छोटी सी बच्ची आई

भिखारी: "अल्लाह के नाम पर दे दे बेटा"

बच्ची: "मैं बेटा नहीं बेटी हूँ"

भिखारी: "अल्लाह के नाम पर दे दे बेटी"

बच्ची: "मेरा नाम संध्या है"

भिखारी: "अल्लाह के नाम पर दे दे संध्या"

बच्ची: "मेरा पूरा नाम संध्या चौधरी है"

भिखारी: "अल्लाह के नाम पर दे दे संध्या चौधरी"

बच्ची: "ये हुई ना बात, अब माफ़ करो बाबा"

Jokes

Lady: Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes I do.

Lady: How many packs a day?

Guy: 3 packs.

Lady: How much per pack?

Guy: $10.00 per pack.

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Guy: 15 years

Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?

Guy: Correct.

Lady: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?

Guy: Correct.

Lady: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?

Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?

Lady: No.

Guy: Then where's your fucking Ferrari? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

18 Yrs Old Boy :- Will U Be My Girlfriend?

18 Yrs Old Girl :- Get Lost! No!

5 Yrs Old Boy :- Will U Be My Girlfriend?

18 Yrs Old Girl :- OMG! U R So Cute,  Yes, Yes, I Will! .

Hey Bhagwan Ye Kaisi Leela Hai Tumhari...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Man goes to Five Star Hotel....

Man :- “One Vodka Price”

Waiter :- “Rs. 5/- Sir” 

Man :- What Only Rs. 5/ ?? 

Can I Also Have One Pizza Please" ??

Waiter :- “Rs. 7/- Sir” 

Man :- “Wow That’s Really Cheap, Can I Meet The Owner of this Hotel” ?? 

Waiter :- “No Sir, He’s Busy With My Girlfriend” !!!! 

Man :- “What’s He Doing With Your Girlfriend” ???? 

Waiter :- “The Same Thing That I’m Doing To His Business Here“ !!!! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman went for fishing. She enjoyed boating & got tired. She sat, kept her things & started reading a book.

Policeman came, said: Maam u r in "NO" fishing Zone.

She said: "I am reading not fishing."

Policeman said: "But u have all equipment & u might start anytime."

Woman shouted: "Im not fishing here. Now u r sexually harrassing me."

Policeman said: "I am not doing anything!"

She smiled: "Thats it! You have all equipment & might start anytime!"

Moral : Never Argue with a Woman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Engineer having no child, no money, no home, blind mother, prays to God...

God says he will grant him ONE wish!

Engineer:" I want my mother to see my wife putting diamond bangles on my child's hands,in our new bungalow!

God:" Damn! I still have a lot to learn from these Engineers...

2 Ladkia Aapas Me Lad Rahi Thi To Paas Me Se ek Sharabi Guzra,,

1st Girl:" Ye sharaabi Teri Bf hai

2nd:" Nahi Teri BF hai

1st:" Teri

2nd:" Teri

Sharaabhi:" Mai Ruku Ya Jaau ?? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl's status :

"Got NEW laptop TODAY....... A LOT HAPPY...."

Comments:

1) Congo dear

2) Wow . . lovely

3) Handle wid care

4) Congrats....Etc.

Boy's Status :

"GOT NEW laptop TODAY A LOT HAPPY..."

Comments :

1) Salle teri itni aukat kaha Second hand hoga.

2) Rehne de be juthe,

3) lolypop lene k paise hai kanglay...??

4) 100% chori ka hoga...

5) abe chalana b aata h....??? :p

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ek Bhulakaad baar baar apna computer ka password bhool jata tha. Ek din usne socha main apna computer ka password kya rakhu jo kabhi na bhooloon...

Usne password rakha ''INCORRECT''

Ab jab bhi woh galat password enter karta hai, computer khud usey bata deta hai "Your password is incorrect''...

Bhulakaad rocked...

Computer shocked...

Humour-A SINDHI’S TAX AUDIT

The income tax officer decides to audit Sindhi businessman Kishanchand and summons him to the income tax office.

The officer is not surprised when Kishanchand shows up with his attorney, Pestonji..

 

The officer says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle  and no full-time
employment, which you explain by saying that you won money gambling.

I'm not sure the income tax finds that believable.."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Kishanchand .
"How about a demonstration..? "


The officer thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Kishanchand says, "I'll bet you ten thousand rupees that I can bite my own eye."

The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

 

Kishanchand removes his glass eye and bites it. The officer's jaw drops.

Kishanchand says, "Now, I'll bet you Twenty Thousand rupees that I can bite my other eye."

 

The officer can tell Kishanchand  isn't blind, so he takes the
bet.

Kishanchand removes his dentures and bites his good eye.


The stunned officer now realizes he has wagered and lost Thirty thousand rupees, with Pestonji as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

 

"Want to go double or nothing?" Kishanchand asks.


"I'll bet you Sixty Thousand rupees that I can stand on one side of your desk,

and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."


The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt,

so he agrees again.


Kishanchand stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily,

he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The officer leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss Into a huge win.


But Pestonji moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the officer asks.

"Not really," says Pestonji, the attorney.
"This morning, when Kishanchand told me he'd been summoned for an audit,

he bet me One Hundred Thousand Rupees that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.."

Husband - Wife in TV room

Husband wife watching an IPL match together:

After 5 minutes:

Wife: Is this Bret Lee?

Husband: No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler.

Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.

Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.

Wife: Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one.

Husband: It's Bangalore vs Mumbai.

Wife: How many runs they need to win now?

Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.

Wife: Eh! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball.

Husband: *Turns off the TV*

Wife: Turns it on again and starts watching "Daily serial"

Husband: Who is girl here ?

Wife: Don't disturb me please .

सीट के पीछे

ऑटो के ड्राईवर की सीट के पीछे लिखी हुई मस्त बात।

''भारत की संस्कृति में सब कुछ मिलता है,

इज्ज़त से बैठे, आईने में सब कुछ दिखता है''

एक लड़के की सगाई

एक लड़के की सगाई एक बहुत ख़ूबसूरत लड़की से हुई।

पर वो लड़का उस लड़की से कभी नहीं मिला था, ना ही उस से बात की थी।

बस सब लोगो से उसकी खूबसूरती की तारीफ ही सुनी थी।

शादी की रात लड़का उस का घूंघट उठा कर बोला।

लड़का: "तुम सच में बहुत ख़ूबसूरत हो, समझ नहीं आता की तुम्हे क्या गिफ्ट दू?"

लड़की शर्माती हुई बोली: "दो आप ता दिल तले, वो देदो"

मोराल: कम से कम एक कॉल तो कर लेनी चाहिए थी

HA HA HA

HA HA HA An airline introduced a special package for businessmen. Buy your ticket; get your wife's ticket free.

After a great success, the airline sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.

All of them gave the same reply, "Which trip?"

*******************************************

 

Husband was seriously ill. After thorough examination, doctor sent him outside to wait.

Doctor to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant to him and keep him in good mood, don’t discuss your problems, don’t demand new clothes or gold jewels. Do this for one year and he will be fine.

On the way home, husband asked wife: What did the doctor say?

Wife: No matter what we do for you, you are going to die!

*******************************************

 

An intelligent wife is one who spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.

*******************************************

 

Wife buys a new phone and decides to surprise her husband who is sitting in the living room.

She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband from the new number: "Hello darling!"

The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back later honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen.”

*******************************************

 

Cool message by a woman: Dear mother-in-law, "don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement."

*******************************************

 

A kid was beaten by his mom.

Dad came home and asked, “What happened son?”

Kid said, “I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own.”

*******************************************

 

In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.

Wife: Shoot him! Shoot him!

Santa: Yes, yes. I'm changing the battery in my camera..

*******************************************

 

What is the difference between mother and wife?

A – One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

*******************************************

 

Husband and wife are like 2 tires of a vehicle.

If one punctures, the vehicle can't move further.

Moral: Always keep a spare tire....

*******************************************

 

What's the similarity between chewing gum and begum (wife) ??

Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and sticky in the end..

*******************************************

 

A man came home late at night after a party.

His wife yelled: "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"

The man couldn’t believe his luck.

He blurted out: 'That would be great'!

Monday passed and he didn’t see her......

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday passed too.....

On Friday his swelling became better and now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

*******************************************

 

You know why the word woman starts with 'w'?

Because all questions start with "w".. !

Who ?

Why ?

What ?

When ?

Which ?

Whom ?

Where ?

&

finally Wife..!!!

*******************************************

 

Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate, hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches how to choose a wife.

Natural disasters just happen.

*******************************************

 

Wife: last night I had a dream that you were sending me jewellery and clothes! Just then my eyes opened.

Husband: Yeah, you didn’t see the end of that dream where I saw your dad paying the bill !!!

*******************************************

 

A recently fired stock trader said, "This is worse than divorce. I have lost everything and I still have my wife !!!! "

*******************************************

 

Message of the year:-

Women live a better, longer and peaceful life..!!

Why?

Very simple... A woman does not have a wife..!!!